Now then, as hinted at in yesterday's post, today's topic is about legal documentation...more specifically it's about the...um...'unique' form of English that gets used in all this stuff :) Now as anyone who's ever *had* to read any of this stuff (and you always *have* to read it...if it's not absolutely critical that you read the stuff then you can quite happily ignore it :)) can attest to it really isn't a pleasant experience...and it's not because it's complicated (which lots of people seem to think it is) because if you actually look at it it really is worded quite simply...there's no fancy, over-the-top words thrown in anywhere...no complicated anything in fact...it's all really quite basic since the majority of it *needs* to be in layman's terms so that the reader can at least make an attempt at comprehension! So what is it that makes reading these things so painfully awful? Simple...it's all down to the way they're written, and the horrendously drawn out way in which the simplest of concepts is drawn out interminably...dragging on for page after page after page until you actually forget what the whole thing was talking about in the first place!

For example instead of saying something like "I'm going to the shop...anyone want anything?" a legal document would say something like "I/Me/We/They/Them/He/Her/Him/It/Myself/Whoever/The Undersigned (herby referred to as 'I') am currently considering my position with regards to the possibility of a journey via an as yet undisclosed method of transportation (be it vehicular, by foot or otherwise) to a wholesale shopping facility which shall, for legal reasons, remain nameless. If my (I) decision is made in the positive would there be any potential requirements from any person/persons/or creatures for my (I) collection of any desired items of any kind? With the proviso that said required items are not in contravention of any of the this country/state/city/town's laws, rules or regulations and providing that the necessary monetary means are supplied at the time of the request. I (We) can accept no responsibility or liability for the standard and/or condition of the requested goods upon their delivery owing to the vagaries of potential storage and/or transport damage. etc"...See what I mean? As I said yesterday I had to sit and pore over these hateful things for about 3 hours on Monday and Jesus did they drag on...I mean I consider myself as a reasonably intelligent chap, i'm certainly no genius...but i'm not a complete moron either! and my brain started to go to sleep after about the second paragraph of these damn things...I reckon that's the intention you know...they *say* that all this legal nonsense is necessary to cover everyone but all it's really there for is to put everyone into a sleepy frame of mind so that they'll sign anything! Hah! Have that lawyer types!...rumbled you :P