6 - Tapas is the worst thing ever

Well...perhaps that was a little zealous...hhhhmmmmmm...in fact no, it wasn't, it's spot on...Tapas is the worst thing *ever*! I mean what's the fucking point in it? When I go to a restaurant and order food I want a proper fucking meal *not* some cold finger food served on a sideplate...and please don't tar me with the 'I just want Steak & Chips' brush because i'm perfectly willing to try new foods...I really really wanted to go out somewhere when we were on holiday and eating some interesting food but everywhere was insisting on selling this tapas shit, call me provincial but my idea of 'hearty cuisine' is NOT a slice of ham with some cheese next to it...but that's all we could find...and the weird thing is that most of the Spaniards that we saw were overweight...HOW?...how the fuck can *anyone* get fat eating this toss? Heaven help them if they ever venture over to these shores, their fragile little metabolisms will surely explode as they attempt to masticate (it means 'chew' you mucky pups!) their way through a fair sized meal!

Of course if Spaniards were to sample some of our food they'd be in for another shock besides the quantity...you see our food will actually *taste* of something...and not just be completely and utterly bland...which is something they seem to specialise in, magically cooking all the flavour out of *anything* they serve rendering it practically inedible...it took me 5 days of the holiday to actually work out what one of the mystery meats they kept serving was, it turned out to be pork but christ knows what they did to it to make it taste like that! Perhaps things are the other way round in Spain, whereas we tend to add seasoning as we're cooking to *add* flavour maybe they have a special blandness condiment that they add to make everything taste generic and uniformly shit?...maybe?...no?...ah bollocks, tapas is shit anyway :)